Pepsi turns up the
estrogen
Pepsi has announced a new addition to its lucrative
line of diet cola products.
“Pepsi Max was a ground-breaking product because
it was the first gender-specific cola,” said spokesman Second Best,
“Pepsi Max specifically targeted young male consumers who felt
embarrassed about ordering a diet cola. The concept was a hit, so now
we’ve developed a new cola which will be marketed as the female
equivalent of Pepsi Max.”
The new cola, to be known as Pepsi Minnie, features
the usual Pepsi logo adorned with a pink ribbon. The label will be a shiny
silver colour.
“Female consumers are attracted by shiny
objects,” said Mr Best, “We think our
silver labels will be the perfect way to win over women whose attention span is
too short to read the name on the label.”
Participants in Mr
Best’s consumer focus group agreed. “We love the silver
label,” said one woman, “I am normally too stupid to read the
labels on the bottles when I’m choosing a drink, or if I do read them I
usually lose my train of thought and forget to purchase anything. The new Pepsi Minnie is great because all the
decisions are made for me.”
Pepsi Minnie will be available in 250ml bottles only.
“Our studies show that women prefer smaller bottles which fit in the
handbag,” said Mr Best, “Of course,
normal bottles would also fit in the average handbag, but a large bottle would not be consistent with the traditional
female self-image of being petite, dainty, not having a fat arse
etc. etc.”
Pepsi Minnie goes on sale next week. “Together
with Max and Minnie, Pepsi has the market covered,” concluded Mr Best.
Meanwhile, competitor Coca Cola has launched its own
gender-specific cola, Coke Zero. Coke Zero targets the male consumer with
aggressive slogans such as “You’ll root more supermodels with Coke
Zero” and “You need a large penis to drink Coke Zero.”
“The slogans are not very subtle, but then again
neither is the average male,” said brand manager Coke-Ann Mirrors,
“At the very least, they’re an improvement on our shit viral
marketing campaign.”
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